Signs of anxiety in children parents often miss
When most people think of anxiety in children, they picture a child who worries constantly or refuses to separate from their parent. While those can certainly be signs, anxiety in kids often looks very different than adults expect. In fact, many of the most common symptoms are frequently misunderstood as defiance, moodiness, or even laziness.
Understanding what anxiety really looks like can help parents respond with support instead of frustration.
1. Irritability and Anger
One of the most overlooked signs of anxiety in children is irritability. An anxious child may seem easily annoyed, argumentative, or prone to emotional outbursts. When a child’s nervous system is constantly on high alert, small stressors can feel overwhelming. What looks like “overreacting” may actually be a stress response.
If your child melts down over minor changes, snaps at siblings, or seems chronically on edge, anxiety may be worth exploring.
2. Physical Complaints Without a Clear Cause
Frequent stomachaches, headaches, nausea, or complaints of feeling sick (especially before school or social events) are common in anxious children. Anxiety is not just mental; it lives in the body.
If your child’s physical symptoms tend to appear before specific situations (school, sleepovers, performances) and disappear once the event passes, anxiety may be playing a role.
3. Avoidance That Looks Like Procrastination
Avoidance is a hallmark of anxiety, but it doesn’t always look dramatic. It might show up as:
Taking an unusually long time to start homework
Constantly asking for help with tasks they can do
Forgetting assignments
Refusing to try new activities
Parents sometimes interpret this as lack of motivation. In reality, anxious children often avoid tasks because they fear failure, embarrassment, or making mistakes.
4. Perfectionism
Perfectionism is frequently praised, but in many children it is rooted in anxiety. If your child becomes extremely upset over small mistakes, erases repeatedly, or refuses to turn in work unless it feels “perfect,” anxiety may be driving the behavior.
These children are often terrified of disappointing others or not meeting expectations, sometimes expectations no one has even voiced.
5. Sleep Difficulties
Trouble falling asleep, frequent night wakings, or needing repeated reassurance at bedtime can signal anxiety. Nighttime is when distractions fade and worries grow louder.
If your child seems exhausted but “can’t shut their brain off,” their nervous system may be struggling to settle.
6. Excessive Reassurance Seeking
Children with anxiety may repeatedly ask questions like:
“Are you sure I’ll be okay?”
“What if something bad happens?”
“Do you promise?”
While reassurance helps in the moment, the need for constant reassurance is often a sign of underlying anxiety.
7. Over-Control or Rigidity
Some anxious children try to manage their worry by controlling their environment. They may struggle with transitions, insist on routines, or become distressed when plans change. What looks like stubbornness may actually be an attempt to feel safe.
When to Seek Support
All children experience worry from time to time. Anxiety becomes a concern when it interferes with daily life.
The good news is that anxiety in children is highly treatable. With the right support, children can learn coping skills, emotional regulation strategies, and tools to manage their worries effectively. Parent involvement is a key part of this process, helping families respond in ways that reduce anxiety rather than unintentionally reinforce it.
If you’ve noticed several of these signs in your child, you’re not alone and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Early support can make a meaningful difference in your child’s confidence, resilience, and overall well-being. Visit our Contact Us link to arrange a free 10 minute consultation today!
